we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
