I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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