okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
