But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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