On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
