I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
