My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
