and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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