I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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