I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
