the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
