my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
