Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
