What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
