I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
