we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
