Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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