Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
