Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
