the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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