i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
