it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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