you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Every concussion has its silver lining
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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