no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
