Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He shit in the fireplace
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
