he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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