you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
