Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just forgot I was standing up.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize