i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
