Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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