Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Still dying that you shit outside
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
