Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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