You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
