RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
