____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
