i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
