Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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