I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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