You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
