he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
