Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
