I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
