So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
