My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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