i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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