I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
