The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
