I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw a hot homeless man
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
