i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
