when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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