I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
