y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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