The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
