my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
