totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
