Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
