Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
