I checked into jail on foursquare
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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