Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
