If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
