We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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