sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
