a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
