now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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