nut hugger
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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