Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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