You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
