Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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