Im at strip club and am horny
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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