Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
