I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
