I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There r osticjed everywhere
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
