I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
