Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
