4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize