I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize