her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
