i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
