the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize