In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize