I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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