The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
