rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
