If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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