reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
