i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
