She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
