someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Randomize
