Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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