I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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