Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
