Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
