Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
